Thursday, 31 January 2013
Wednesday, 30 January 2013
the bullets
Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it’s too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. “What’s wrong?” asks the mother.
“I was taking pee and this bullet came out.” replies the daughter.
The mother tells her it’s okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. “Mom, I was taking pee and this bullet came out.”
Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.
A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. “It’s okay,” says the mom, “I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out.”
“No,” says the boy, “I was jerking off and I shot the dog.”
naughty Vaseline Petroleum Jelly jokes
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A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years
He breaks into a house and Inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He
ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets
on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I
saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t
complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”
She
responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He
told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any
Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love
you, too.”
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Tuesday, 29 January 2013
Thursday, 24 January 2013
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